i want to marry brooke fraser

i bought my ticket to the brooke fraser concert in the summer, when i first heard about it because i am a huge fan hers - not only in hillsong but also her independent music. but when i went sunday night i was afraid that she might disappoint (having already been severely disappointed by harry potter 7 -____-).

wow. i was so wrong.

i was completely blown away by how insanely cute she was, just in her mannerisms and quirky humor, and her ability to just be herself on stage. oh, and i was completely mesmermized by her voice which was about 10 times better live than the recordings!

when i met her up close and got my personal autograph, it was just the icing on the cake :)

fullness of who You are

i don't let my God be big enough, i shove Him in a box where i can call on Him when i need Him and have Him appear. God i want the real and living and powerful God, not this God-in-the-box i've made. God i want a burden for Your people and a vision for Your kingdom, i want You to fill all the lonely corners of my heart that i keep trying to fill with other things, i want You to be worth giving my life for, i want You to transform the ugliness inside heart into something beautiful. don't let me settle for a God that i've diminished, Lord show me the fullness of who You are.

there is still more

challenge of the week: if you're not suffering for Christ, are you really living for Him? (Twitter bible study)

arrow - right to the heart. i'm too comfortable and i'm so weak. i get discouraged and confused and tired from the smallest things, but this is not suffering for Christ - this is selfish complaining. i have this anxious, urgent feeling in my heart that there is more i can do to live for God, that there is more than what i've settled for. God mess me up for Your glory, flip my life upside down for the sake of the gospel. i don't know how my life will be used for Your glory, but Lord open my eyes and give me greater vision for Your kingdom work.

couldn't live without music

savior, please - josh wilson

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can
But I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because
You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

---

i'm so tired of everything, so drained just trying to keep going. God i need Your joy

simple truth

i've been wrestling with so many questions in my spiritual life - which isn't all bad because it means my spiritual journey is on my mind, but i think i've ended up confusing myself more than anything. i was talking to an older sister the other day about some of these things and she said something that made me stop short: God is simple. we try to make things complex and ask Him if there's more. today while i was doing my QT i realized that's completely true.

in Experiencing God, the unit i'm currently going through is all about our relationship with God, the nature of God, His love, etc. and although i've thought about this topic so many times, going through it again brought up all these questions doubting my own motives and true spiritual state - am i truly serving because of my love for God or are there selfish motives? am i substituting these works for more depth in my relationship with God? do i really love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength - and what implications does that have for how i live every day? what does it even really mean to love God? does it mean that i have to have these warm fuzzy feelings every time i think about Him, or does it mean loving His people?

but one verse from today's devotion made everything fall into place.

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." - John 14:21

it's that simple. loving God is obeying Him - obeying Him when He tells me to take up my cross and follow Him daily, obeying Him when He tells me to lay down my pride and consider others better than myself, obeying Him when He tells me to trust in Him only, obeying Him when He tells me to have no other idols before Him. and when i do that i realize that i've just been complicating everything unnecessarily - all i need to do is follow Him and allow Him to direct my feet.

today in particular i feel like my blog is so aptly named; i'm constantly finding myself flat on my face, tripping over these simple truths that i still can't get over. luckily for me, i have a God who is always there to pick me up when i fall :)

when everything falls apart

You said
You'd never leave or forsake me
When you said
This life is gonna shake me
And you said
This world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

When I see
Darkness all around me
When I see
That tragedy has found me
I still believe
Your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

Sorrow will last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun
(It’s rising with the sun)
And there will be storms in this life
But I know you have overcome
You have overcome

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

- Everything Falls, by Fee

until then

i look inside me and all i can see is selfishness.brokenness.ugliness.pride.insecurity.fear.discouragement.darkness.anger.hurt.jealousy.anxiety.shame.unworthiness.
the sin in my heart passes in front of my eyes and fills up my vision until it's all i see
i can't run to you because i'm shackled by these chains, i'm tripping over myself until i'm flat on my face
all the things i've been trying so hard to do start to unravel and become transparent, useless

but somehow

You look at me and see Your child covered in a robe of righteousness
You make me whole, You make me new, putting together the broken fragments to make something beautiful
You pick me up where i fell and free me from the heavy burdens weighing me down, You meet me in my brokenness
You have already said that it is finished, but the good work You began in me will be carried on to completion

until i am made like You,
until i see You,
until i am with You,

mold me. break me. refine me.