being refined

lately i've been having a hard time because i've been involved in a lot of conflicts. it's been somewhat discouraging because it's made me see so clearly how much i'm lacking in patience and love, plus it's been a strain emotionally and mentally; tension is something i don't deal with well and mostly just avoid like the plague. but i've realized slowly that this is really an answer to my prayer that God would show me where i need to grow more, that He would show me my sin so that i can grow from it. and i really believe i've been growing, not only in how to lay down my pride and seek to understand the other person, but also in realizing just how far i fall short of God's perfection. it's truly amazing to think about how God can love someone as flawed as me, when i can't even love other people as imperfect as i am. also, i think God's been giving me opportunities to deepen relationships with people around me - older brothers and sisters who listen and give me wisdom that i need to hear, friends who sympathize, and my roommate who stays up late into the night to talk and pray with me. but most of all, when i'm able to talk to that person i've fought with and we come to a place of understanding, it's like a new depth has been discovered - we're able to love and forgive because Christ is the base of that relationship, because God's love is flowing through and between us. i see God's hand working to shape my character, to show me the depth of my depravity and how sufficient His grace is in the midst of that. i am a work in progress, being refined to become a worker for His kingdom :)