escape

i've been coming to realize that, as much as i like to confront my problems head-on, i also definitely have escapist tendencies when a solution is not readily available. if i can't confront someone for various reasons, i will avoid them for as long as i have to to escape tension. if i can't do anything about the horrible feeling i have when i think i failed an exam, i will watch movies and kdramas and read books - anything to escape reality. when i get sick of being in philly, all i think about is going home to escape. when i can't do anything about feeling isolated and lonely, i sleep to escape my life. when i feel spiritually dry, i avoid doing QTs to escape that terrible feeling of being so far away from God.

but escape is not a solution. at best, it gives me a slight reprieve from everything, but it doesn't solve anything.

papercuts are annoying -__________-

i just got really irritated at the stupid papercut i have on my finger. it's in that annoying spot inside the joint so that every time i move my pinky, it twinges a bit. i don't even know how i got it! even though it kind-of-really does hurt, there's no way my pride will let me put on a band-aid for something so small.

it reminded me that sometimes it's the smallest flaws that can be the most annoying; it's the sins that seem smallest that i'm never willing to treat, and it's these sins that i can never seem to rid myself of..

seasons

after family group last night i suddenly felt really excited again about growing more deeply spiritually and about serving in GCC and even about my future and just everything about life in general. i had been really excited at the beginning of the semester but that feeling quickly faded after things became harder emotionally and academically and spiritually. last night it felt like i had surfaced and was breathing for the first time in a long time, like i came back from the deadness i've been feeling.

praise God for giving me seasons of desperation and tears and searching, so that when i find fulfillment in Him again i am filled to the brim with joy and anticipation at what He'll do in my life.

short list of blessings part 2:
- 2013 brothers prayer! as i write, they're meeting in meyerson for prayer. i've been so incredibly blessed to see how much they've grown in their individual spiritual walks and together as brothers. best brothers ever :)
- 2013 sisters are so encouraging! it's been so awesome to get to know more sisters, to grow deeper with the sisters i already knew, and to experience really speaking truth into each other's lives
- LCC winter retreat coming up! i'm so thankful for opportunities to serve LCCYG, it's a blessing to see them grow and struggle and really fight to live for God.
- GCC band has been amazing. i'm constantly learning humility and my own shortcomings - but God's complete sufficiency!
- this strange sense of peace i have although i probably won't end up passing my classes lol
- TWITTER <3 enough said ^^